Goodbye Dexter:(

More than five years ago, on January 25, 2014, we introduced the now infamous Dexter, our white-faced capuchin, on our blog with this post here--we've told the epic story of how we became monkey owners countless times and it never gets old. Today, we have to tell the story of saying goodbye. Owning a monkey has been a journey--I predicted even back then that I knew it wouldn't be easy, and yesterday we brought Dexter to a "Rescue Center" near the Managua Zoo. Dexter has been a huge part of Nicaragua life--according to one of our kids, without Dexter we "no longer have a reason to even live in Nicaragua anymore." We haven't shared a lot about him over the years as life with a monkey became quite normal for us, so a few memories about Dexter in his honor and memory as we enter in a monkey-less phase of life here. . .

Dexter first lived inside our home for a few months (when he cried himself to sleep and was scared to even leave our arms!), but for most of the five years lived in a chainlink cage built under our water tower behind our home. The home worked well, but he was able to break the water pipes that go from tank to ground twice by shaking them--I'll never forget trying to climb up a narrow ladder to stop the water gushing out of the tank while being pummeled with water. We just had a beautiful, new free-standing cage built for him in May by our school carpenter--not sure what we'll do with that now!

Dexter would spend time out of the cage nearly every evening. For four years, he was allowed to play in the trees and on our roof, but he got harder to get back when the allotted time was over and he became harder to keep from bothering our neighbors. For the last year he played while on a retractable leash (long enough to still get in the trees and on the roof!) He loved launching himself from high in trees down into the hammocks below. He also enjoyed finding crunchy bugs by the lights and scrolling through Facebook on my phone.

Dexter got to eat twice a day. He ate our leftovers but loved bread and carbs more than anything else. He loved dipping bread in water to soften it before eating. If he ever got his hand on candy, that was always a favorite too, but that wasn't a part of his normal diet! Dexter loved washing himself with citrus fruit slices and old tea bags, though he still would smell like a monkey when finished.

Dexter loved playing with dogs. Eskimo, Rocky, and Toby have been his best friends along the way. Toby will miss our nightly playtimes together. But kids were his favorite--he loved playing on the trampoline, going for walks on a leash out of the neighborhood and loved when Charlotte would spend time inside his cage.

Henry attempted to sleep with Dexter early on. It never worked, but was a fun attempt!

We've had many neighbors who have cared for Dexter for us. Some have enjoyed him, while others have been terrified of him. Dexter seemed to sense fear and loved chasing kids across the yard towards their houses. He became quite good at breaking into homes, especially the Normans. He was once accused of eating a large number of baked goods off of their counter, but we are sure that was the Marin's German Shepherd to this day:) When Dexter was out and off the leash, we'd yell "Dexter's out!!!" across the yard and hear all of the neighbors begin locking their doors. Dexter found other ways to be annoying, like bouncing on tin roof flaps!

The decision to say goodbye to Dexter has not been easy. We've talked about it on and off since we've had him, really, but it finally had to happen for a few logical reasons.
1) According to Google, Dexter is going to live until he's over 40 years old. We can't keep up with the monkey-owning lifestyle for that long!
2) As Dexter has reached puberty, he's become more fixed in the way he interacts with our family. I (Andrew), am the "Alpha," and am the only one who can safely get Dexter in and out of his cage without a problem. When I'm around, the kids LOVE to have Dexter play on them and will hold him and keep him on his leash. He is playful and fun to handle. . .but the moment I walk away he starts to become a little more aggressive towards the kids or Ruth. "Dad, he's biting!"
3) He's an escape artist. He's escaped probably at least 10 times from his cage over the years. No amount of wire and careful "hole" searching seemed to prevent his ability to get out on occasion. We know the sound of Dexter on the roof, a tell-tale sign that he got out again. I've had to drive home from school multiple times to get him after hearing he's escaped. Each summer we've been gone, he's gotten out of his cage at least once, causing a ton of stress for our housesitters (and for us, who are useless to help when so far away!) When Dexter escapes, he doesn't run away as you might expect--he gets into our house to search for food. One school day he spent most of the day inside our house alone with only the dog (he can't get out after dropping in through the open roof) and I'll never forget the damage that happened in our kitchen that day.

4) He bites. He typically "play bites" like a puppy when interacting with us, but he has bitten Ruth and Marlene hard enough to draw a little blood when they've had to put him away in his cage after he's escaped and I'm not around to help.
5) Dexter is in a cage for 23.5 hours on a typical day. The half-hour that he is out with me and the kids each evening is fun, but that really isn't enough. Monkeys are social creatures and the rescue center works to rehabilitate domesticated animals and get them back in the wild and in a herd. I want to imagine Dexter in the jungle making babies and eating mangos with his monkey wives.
6) On our first day back in Nicaragua a few days ago, after getting Dexter out of his cage, I went to clean the cage of our neighbor's monkey whom we've cared for before. The monkey lunged at me the moment I opened the cage--I ended up in the ER with some deep wounds and now have stitches on my hand and upper arm. I am terrified that this could happen to a kid, a visitor, a worker, someone else. . .and it could--monkeys have really, really sharp teeth and yes--I know--are wild animals after all. One just can't always predict behavior. . .and so while Dexter has never harmed anyone so seriously, could it happen one day? Yes.

Despite good reasons for parting ways, yesterday was awful. I cried, Ruth cried, and the kids have all dealt with grief and anger (at their parents) in different ways. Lots of screaming and wailing yesterday and today--we're giving up their "brother" and "the only one they can talk to." Henry protested by staying up in a tree for 4 hours.  And to be fair, Charlotte has had Dexter as a furry companion since the age of two. This is hard for them and we're drained--not a fun way to start the year. Our kids had Dexter in the back of the van during the 45-minute drive to the zoo, and he was so calm and fun and hilarious and I really wanted him to act aggressive or do something bad to justify our decision to the kids, but he didn't do anything remotely annoying (except poop and pee on them and tear up a Spanish dictionary but that stuff doesn't phase us anymore. . .) We had told the kids that we could visit Dexter during his stay in rehab, but found out that we can have absolutely no contact with him ever again or that might jeopardize his ability to become a non-pet monkey that can survive without human contact. That was hard to hear for all of us.

Henry wrote a poem last night--the kind that can be read up or down to change the meaning.

Happy version:
Dexter
Is my friend.
No one
can change that!
My parents
play with him
and be with him.
We can't
say goodbye.
Dexter.

Sad version:
Dexter,
Say goodbye.
We can't
Be with him
Play with him.
My parents
Can change that--
No one
Is my friend.
Dexter.

Do I regret the decision to have a monkey as a pet? Yes and no. It's been so hard, dirty, and dramatic and the inevitable goodbye was hard. Admittedly, it wasn't the best life for a monkey though we did our best. Yet, it's been an unforgettable, shaping part of life and childhood in Nicaragua, and Dexter has been a pretty unique, good friend to three kids who are going to miss him a lot. Now they're asking for two mice, a cat, and chicks. Interesting combo, right? Stay tuned. . .

In the car, on the way to the "Centro de Rescate"