Control!

I like to be in control. Being in a new country makes it a bit tough to feel that sense of control that felt so good and normal in the US. A couple of things happened this past week:

1) We lost our internet for a few days. Not a big deal in the States, but here, our internet feels a bit like our lifeline. That isn't necessarily a good thing, and it annoyed me how annoyed I was about not having access to email and Facebook and news and phone calls to family for 48 hours. But I was irritable and upset, especially that I couldn't figure out what was wrong with our internet. And we can't just call Claro for help, as there isn't a "Press 2 for English" option here in Nicaragua!  It turns out, we just hadn't paid the bill for three months. Oops. And once we paid, the internet was on again. Thanks to a bilingual neighbor for helping us out here.

2) We had an appointment at the American Embassy today to authenticate some documents for the process of gaining residency in Nicaragua. Well, they couldn't do it what we needed them to do today. We are here on tourist visas, good for 90 days. Today is, I believe, day 89. And we feel like we're "stuck" in the process, or at least clueless in this maze of paperwork and bureaucracy. And very soon, we're going to technically be living here "illegally." Let me tell you--my empathy for the plight of "illegal immigrants" in the US has grown considerably. But what can we do???? Nothing.

These "out of my control" moments are consistent reminders that our sense of control is always merely a façade--God is truly the one in control. But it is quite a journey to recognize that truth, and I'm not there yet. It's funny, but tonight driving home from Tesoros de Dios, scripture popped into my head. . .and trust me. . .I'm not saying this to sound super-spiritual. I'm actually giving credit to my preschoolers here, because that isn't necessarily what happens often. We're learning about poor Joseph, who had to trust God in all types of crazy situations all over the place, and our verse of the week is as follows:

"Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” (Genesis 28:15)

We're just learning the first part--hey, we're only four years old. But we've been saying it a lot over the last two days, chanting it and reading it and singing about it. And so it popped into my head, this promise of God filling a void of nervousness surrounding some unknowns and this "out of control" situation in my life. And it did give me comfort.

For a moment anyway. And then when I got home I immediately headed to the computer to try to research our options in regards to overstaying our tourist visa--could we get deported? How much are the fines? Is there a way to extend our tourist visa? Blah blah blah. Trying to comfort myself with control of the situation and head knowledge again rather than holding on to the promise that no matter what, God is absolutely holding our family in his hand. He's driving. As Charlotte loves to say lately, "Hallelujah!"